Pardon Me, Miss

Pardon me, miss, I could not help but notice that your head is a big hole!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IT’S A BIG HOLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IT’S A BIG HOLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IT’S A BIG HOLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IT’S A BIG HOLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IT’S A BIG HOLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Best-Selling Turd

Lauren Conrad has now conquered the literary world since releasing her book that has been on the New York Times Bestseller List for 2 weeks in a row. She has also purportedly conquered the TV and fashion world.

Really, now.

I should just give. Up.

I hereby resign.

I have hereby resigned myself.

…………………..

Black Hole

It’s funny how some think the work they do amount to paramount significance. I speak to the person, he nods vehemently, talks in zealous enthusiasm, about what..? Nothing.

Sink into oblivion zealously.

I’m scared. Am I heading in that direction?

Dreams Turned to Dust

It’s difficult not to remisnisce even though it gets me nowhere.

That’s life, they say. Sometimes it lets you down.

Gee, thanks for the support.

I think back about my past and there are too many things I wish could be rewritten. I’d say hang in there, hardship is the stuff for blessed souls. Like they say ma.

Sigh.

Sock Thief

Hullo there, I’m sock thief.

Yeah. Once upon a time there was a mischievous thief who steals socks. He only steals one of each pair, surreptitiously. Sheila, Meila, Jeila, Keila and Geila found only half the pair of socks they each bought. They searched here, there, everywhere, but to no avail. Why do I only have half the pair of socks I used to have? They each wondered.

Half-Baked in the Oven

I do not pretend to be an expert, nor an advocate of this, nor that, nor anything. I am simply, ambivalent.

The scene from Girl, Interrupted comes to me. The part where Susanna meets the psychiatrist and announces proudly that her favourite word of the moment is ambivalent. Probed further as to the reason, she shrugs. Offered to provide the meaning of the word, she says it means she doesn’t care. The rest of the scene revolves around the psychiatrist illuminating the meaning and providing an epiphany for Miss Susanna so revoltingly elucidating that she is shocked beyond measure.

Anyway, as I was saying, procrastination is a widespread disease, so common this disease is that over 30,000 books are listed for sale on Amazon for anyone who would like some enlightenment. The promise of salvation is tempting, I mean, with some money, I’ll be so productive that humankind can be saved by my efforts? Hey, count me in. Hey hey.

Enlightenment came to me as an unexpected and intelligence deprecating surprise. Alas, after countless books devoured on procrastination and to no avail, my savior comes from Cracked.com, an originally American humour magazine turned website, the most durable imitator of Mad magazine, with a primary fan base of people who scour for the sold out publication that is Mad. (Source: Wikipedia)

http://www.cracked.com/article_17142_5-ways-common-sense-lies-you-everyday.html

Yes indeed. 5 ways common sense lies to me everyday. By whom? Someone named Shakespeare? Oh yeah, gimme. The Nirvana Fallacy occurs when you dismiss anything in the real world because you compare it to an unrealistic, perfect alternative, by which it pales in comparison. Says Mr Shakespeare, it wouldn’t be a problem, except it keeps us from getting anything done.

Sure it’s Cracked. With unknown sources to justify his claims along with solid integrity of said publication further exacerbates his claims as half-baked. I know it’s a figure of speech, but just for the sake of arguing for no reason, can it be 1/3 baked? Quarter-baked? .33 baked?

Hitler wrote a book critics say is a copy and paste nature form of work derived from half-baked notions sourced from other books. In retrospect, does that make it a half-baked-ideas-fueled-mayhem? What if ambivalence strucked the inventors of Burj Al-Dubai, or Au Sang Syu Kyii, or Bush, or Spielberg? If all of us contemplate the degree of bakedness of our ideas, where would they lead us? Well, hello, ambivalent comrades of similar line of thought.

Conversation with Facebook

Facebook asks, What’s on your mind?

Nothing.

What’s on your mind?

Nothing.

What’s on your mind?

NOTHINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bits and Pieces

Today’s fast paced society renders me immobile and ambivalent. Yes, that is the root cause of my procrastination and laziness. Society.

Hu. Ha. Ha.

This is an excellent article to devote the minutes of my life on. Lookie, beauty tip. Who doesn’t need it? And lookie hoo, a mental alertness beauty article? Wowsie.

But unfortunately, and possibly, maybe, to the detriment and despair of society, self censoring is at work when I read it.

Here’s a chronology of me reading the inasanely profound Elle article to illustrate:

Summer –> Oh yes, the season where sun shines and all things bright and bright colours –> I sure love bright colours –>distracted –> yeah, I get distracted a lot –> is it a 21^st century phenomenon maybe I should write a thesis on that –>nah, maybe I’ll get distracted –> daydreaming à daydreaming –> daydreaming –> daydreaming blah blah blah

The minutes, or hours the author put into the article, however earnest my intentions of reading it, would have been lost even without me self-censoring and skimming through it.

Let me try reading in earnest this time.

What did I just read?

Er. Some article with a broccoli picture.

That’s wonderful.

The Free Spirit aka Slacker aka Lazy Joker

Hello, my name is Joe and I’m about to tell you a joke now.

(Before that, here are the acronyms for the characters, here you go: J= Joker, A= Audience member)

J: Oh, lookie there, what’s that over there?

A: Is it a bird, Joker?

J: Err.

A: Are you going to tell us a joke, now?

J: Yeah. What’s that over there?

J: Sometimes, I feel like falling for no reason whatsoever.

J: Even if sometimes doesn’t happen too often, I just do, why is that huh…

J: Yeah, the joke. Where was I? Oh look what’s that over there?

A: Is it a bird?

J: No, not really, I think it’s a turd, maybe. I wish we didn’t have to make turd, huh?

A: Yeah. I wish we didn’t have to too.